Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
