8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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