please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
