I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
