you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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