i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize