Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
