Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
