The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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