Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
