Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
