i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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