Pappa wants mamma naked
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
did i walk over a car last night?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
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