The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
