i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
