you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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