you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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