The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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