i permit you to call me
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So much rum. So many feels.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
