I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
When are your genitals available?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
