I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
