I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
