this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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