Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
