i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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