how can u be prego again
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
