There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
