omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
