i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
