Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
