Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
