Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
