he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
