is your mom at the bar?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Fuck appropriateness.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
