Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
