I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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