I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
