I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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