My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Randomize
