So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
