She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
