I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
