Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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