There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
