It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
