i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize