Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
