never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize