pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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