her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Im part way to drunk.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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