I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
