So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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