Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
NoShamevember. You game?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
