she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
