she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I wish i was in the wii world.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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