He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
