if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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