dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
