yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
