can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize