the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
