PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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