is wine microwaveable?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
