Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
