even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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