Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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