The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize