Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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