Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
