if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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