i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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