i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
