I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
