do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
