just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
