just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
