It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
