I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
