Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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