my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
