if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
