whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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