The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize