The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
