that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
