Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
