omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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