I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize