can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
