dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
