okay pat passed out under dana's car
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
