The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
They are going to name an STD after you.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
