I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We are all done wearing pants today
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
