if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
