I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Alive.
So much puke
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
