I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize