I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize