I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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